Austria, Latvia, Norway, Slovenia, Switzerland
OK, maybe not for every team. Of the 12 teams in the tournament, five will for sure be getting the "Thanks for showing up" participation awards. The best they can hope for is giving one of medal contenders a scare or maybe even squeaking out a tie. The only reason to pay attention to these jabronies is to see if they reveal which "top tier" team might be a pretender or to hear stories about how one guy on the team is actually a 45-year-old fisherman when the Olympics aren't happening. These teams would definitely be the "Tallahassee Warthogs."
Slovakia and the Czech Republic
These two teams are not likely to make it on to the podium. But they have enough NHLers that they could legitimately pull off an upset against pretty much any team in the tournament. As a Wings fan I'll be checking out Slovakia to watch Tomas Tatar and Tomas Jurco (two of the six players named Tomas on the squad). The Slovaks will also have one of the world's best defensemen (Zdeno Chara) and a pretty decent goalie in Jaro Halak. And one other thing, they will also have the Hossa brothers. I get Marian and Marcel mixed up more often than I do actual twins Daniel and Henrik Sedin. So team Slovakia gets the Hanson brothers.
As for the Czech Republic, it might be generous to say they could pull off an upset. They picked guys like Petr Nedved, Jaromir Jagr and Martin Erat who would have been formidable 10 years ago, and left off Jiri Hudler. If the Czechs hope to get back on the podium, they will need to part ways with more of these grey beards. So I'm giving them the movie Mystery Alaska. Now I've never scene Mystery Alaska, but according to IMDB it's about a pickup team in Alaska that for some reason restricts their unorganized hockey game to a set roster. And as young players come along, the elder statesmen are forced to "retire." Makes perfect sense for a place full of freely available ice surfaces for hockey. About as much sense as some of the roster moves the Czechs made. Also, the New York Rangers are involved some how?
Legit medal threats
Finland
Finland just won the world junior championship in hockey. They've had some surprising runs in the past. But some key injuries likely mean they will not win much in this tournament. With the brothers Koivu (Mikko and Saku) and Valtteri Filppula all on the shelf for the Winter Games, that leaves holes for the No. 1, 2 and 3 center spots. Still there are two reasons that could make a medal possible. This will be the final Olympics for Teemu Selanne and could inspire the team to a super human effort to send the wily vet home with another medal. And the more likely reason if they succeed: They have the best goaltending in the tournament, even with Pekka Rinne injured. Kari Lehtonen, Antti Niemi, and Tuukka Rask could all probably make the case to start for any team in the tournament, with Rask standing above everyone. With goaltending being their overwhelming strength I obviously need to give team Finland the goalie for the Thunder Bay Bombers in the movie Youngblood. Don't let the fact that he gets owned in this clip fool you, during my childhood I considered this goalie to be vastly superior to Patrick Roy, based only on the fact that he could do the splits and had the coolest goalie mask I'd ever seen.
USA
Sticking with movie Youngblood, team USA will get the title character, Dean Youngblood. (You may have figured out that I love this movie) Dean Youngblood is an American trying to win against Canadians, he's got the skill but his coaches think he needs to learn to fight before he can learn to win. This should sound familiar if you've followed the way team USA was put together. When choosing the roster, David Poile and Brian Burke placed a high importance on things like grit and intensity. That's why the American with the second most goals over the past 5.5 seasons, Bobby Ryan, will be staying home while Blake Wheeler enjoys the big ice surface. Seriously, this could have been the most talented American roster ever put together. Sigh.
Sweden
Team Sweden will be taking one of their best teams in Olympic history. They have a great mix of young stars and veterans who are still effective. They're deep enough at forward that they could lose Henrik Sedin and Johan Franzen and still be considered one of the favorites to win the gold. They have the only blueline that could rival Canada's and that fluid, puck-moving defense will be working in front of one of the best goalies in the tournament, Henrik Lundqvist. There is no one like Ovechkin or Crosby on Sweden. But they are packed with responsible, skilled-yet-defensive players. They could win out of sheer stoic competence. Team Sweden is Charlie Conway from the Mighty Ducks. An apple-polishing coach's boy who is so boring at one point he volunteers to coach the team instead of play in the championship game.
Russia
A strange hodge-podge of NHL and KHL players, trying to win gold on their own soil while blocking out all of the pressure and politics being injected into the games? That's right, the Russians are actually the Americans from Miracle. There can be no illusions that Russia has the depth or skill to match up with the other medal favorites. And much will depend on the health of team captain Pavel Datsyuk. But they will be playing at home in a sport where determination and some good luck can trump talent, Will they wilt? Or will they rise?
Canada
What can I say about Canada? The guy who won the NHL scoring title last year only made the team because another guy got injured. This might be their best team since the '87 Canada cup team was able to roll out Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux on the same line. You could say they might be weak in goal, but will that even matter with this roster? Team Canada is basically the super talented, front-runner villain team from every sports movie ever. So I'm not even going with a hockey movie for team Canada, they get the Cobra Kai from Karate Kid.
Bonus video
My wife noticed I was going through hockey videos to share on the blog and she demanded I include a clip from the following movie. The greatest Olympic movie of all time: The Cutting Edge.
